Home' Scoop : Scoop 52 Contents stylefeature
Born from our obsession with skinny jeans, the
stretchy opaque legging is an undeniably comfort-
able alternative to its restrictive denim brother.
And while some patterns, fabrics and colours
(cough, metallic, cough) are less than desirable,
they can come in styles both cute and chic; and
along with classic black, they re perfect for tran-
Before you adorn yourself with anything and
intend to venture into the public arena, it is
pertinent to consider the item s name.
This one traditionally being "ugg" before it was
trademarked by an American company (and don t
even get me started on that). Ugg, my friends, is
short for "ugly". Wearing your beloved uggs as a
fashion statement is akin to wearing a frock called
The Frumpinator to the Oscars.
Public ugg use began innocently enough. An
accidental trip to the shops in your slippers, visit-
ing your neighbours on a cold, rainy night -- but
somewhere along the line, it became all too easy.
After all, your feet were toasty and comfortable,
encased in sheepskin clouds not only in your lounge
-- but when traipsing the malls, going for lunch, or
worst of all -- at the theatre (I wish that were a joke,
but someone was wearing them at Phantom last
year -- no, it wasn t even a matinee. It took a lot of
strength not to wrestle them from her feet).
From there, madness ensued.
People began buying them as a fashion item,
tucking their jeans into them to ensure their bulky
form was always visible, adorning them with
tattoo-style patterns, and worst of all, buying boots
that looked like uggs but were significantly less
I don t know how these public-ugg-wearers
were brought up, but I was raised under the
impression that the prettier women s footwear is,
the more painful it becomes.
The mere fact people everywhere returned
home after a day trawling the streets without
blistered, callused feet is a strong indicator of the
unnatural nature of the ugg.
Hyperbole aside, it is possible to source shoes
that don t massacre your feet while remaining
seasonal weather -- stretching your wardrobe fur-
ther in snug comfort under your favourite frock.
However: the poor, unwitting legging has
become an accessory to one of the most heinous
crimes ever witnessed. Leggings. As. Pants.
I m placing the blame squarely on Kate Moss, a
woman who could make hessian hotpants and
nipple pasties cut from potato look runway ready.
She and her irresponsible rock and rolling,
Camden trawling, magical gene pool ways have
left mortals attempting what appears to be a
comparatively simple look, but what is fashion s
equivalent of wandering around with your skirt
tucked into your knickers.
Unless you re in a hair metal revival band, off to
yoga, or in costume as Lindsay Lohan, leggings are
never pants. Ever. They stretch to thin and tightly,
leave a girl (or worse -- a guy) with her mystery
on plain display, and were simply not intended as
SEE: Jeggings (denim printed leggings); meggings
(leggings for men).
Disclaimer: I have no issue with fake tan. In fact,
I m wearing it right now. As far as our white-
hot sun goes, colour from a bottle is undeniably
safer, and will save your skin from developing a
handbag-like hide (handbags: attractive only when
they re not growing on your face).
That s not what this crime is about -- at any
rate, faking it has certainly been around longer
than the past decade. The real issue is our apparent
inability to know when to say when.
Yes, it s the infamous tanorexia, a sad disorder
leaving its victims looking as if they were
descended from a strong line of Oompa Loompas.
The nation s finest scientists* are still unsure
what drove so many usually well-appointed folk
to rub layer upon layer of lotion on their skin, but
their research indicates it s probably the notion
that a tan is the mark of a well-kept Australian
beauty or that it s slimming.
And while I d rather spray my gams with
ModelCo than attend cycle class, if you re glow-
ing like a hi-vis jacket, you re more likely to draw
attention to your finely tuned, couch potato
enhanced form than away from it. Besides, there is
nothing healthy about a tan. Especially if it looks
like it belongs on Carmen Miranda s hat.
(*My workmates and I).
If you re a faux tan virgin, it can take a while to
find the best brand and method for you -- and in
my benevolent wisdom, I m willing to overlook
those tangerine trial and errors. Professional spray
tan is the easiest and best way to go, but if you
want to try in the privacy of your own bathroom,
just remember that Jif is great to get rid of your
SEE: Your best friend (wine, DVDs); award
ceremonies (red carpet "fashion").
144 SCOOP AUTUMN 2010
Links Archive Scoop 50 Summer 2009 Scoop 52 Winter 2010 Navigation Previous Page Next Page